| Nijigen in a Nutshell |
| Saturday, December 13th |
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Lil Spyder finally finds his way to fresh water only to drown in the crystal-clear liquid he had so readily sought. Sends out SOS's to every user in Nijigen for the Nth-hundredth time.
The truth behind the origin of Red Mage is discovered, a half-assed magic user from Final Fantasy. Early the next day empty threats of terrorism pour in at Square/Enix headquarters.
Rayo Shinjo attacks himself unfairly at the portal of Ran Tei. The hazel siga rock is more than happy to relieve him of his items.
The user Brownie Rossignol is missing in action. Her house was scoured by authorities who managed to find small bits of chocolate crumbs on the table next to a half empty glass of milk. Rym could not be reached for comment.
It has recently been determined, through extensive research, that tasteslikellama in fact tastes more like regular Dr. Pepper.
Issue 6 of UpSTAR Nijigen Tabloid has been brought to you by Sharad Waador's Christmas Con! Connect to Pay Pal and see what Santa leaves under your tree. ^.~
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UpSTAR is a joke and nothing more. No offense is intended nor directed at any individual who is mentioned here.
Tuf Entertainment
2002, 2004
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| MOUSE HUNTS HYLIAN PRINCESS! |
Princess Zelda is in peril! Area reports tell of Hylian royalty preparing for war after a ritsui island mouse attacked and murdered their beloved icon. Though a body has not been found, searches continue to cover the lands. Hope is slim, however, as these vicious creatures have been known to consume their prey.
According to those close to the princess she had a thing for muscular rodents and went on long walks through the countryside in search of them. With Link currently incapacitated in the lair of Malon, a poor farm girl, Zelda's fate now rests in the hands of...well...no, never mind, she's screwed. Happy Holidays!
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SHROOM POWER!
Manic Fox is on the loose spawning shrooms wherever he goes! More and more fungii are popping up everywhere in Nijigen. Though the general reaction is amusement, things turn violent on a dime. Enchanted mushrooms band together to form small, mobile attack squads to seek and destroy weak newbies.
Responding to this threat a champion is born, Laviathan19 has taken up the cup of justice and right. For it is only he who has the power to save Nijigen from this menacing wrath. Granted...his reconnoissance by fire involves a pipe, grinder and some matches, this evil shall none-the-less be vanquished!
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TERRORISM HOAX!
Circtember 11th has come and gone without event, despite the vows of known criminal Vikeif and his band of miscreants. Officials weren't surprised by the empty threat, however, due to the sheer idiocy of the terrorist rantings.
According to those involved the preparations made were as follows: laughter, followed by consumption of egg nog, which was consequently followed by pissing and the occasional low-level bombing runs. Merry Christmas, assholes. =D
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